What is your Why?

Why do you want the things you do in your life? 

How many times have you asked yourself this question?

A mentor and dear friend of mine asked me this very question several years ago when I was happily functioning on auto pilot through some very rough times in my own life. When she asked me this question, I wasn’t even sure how to respond. Because for the first time I realized that I had lost something, I had lost my ‘Why’ in life. So instead of answering her, I began to cry. I felt saddened that my passion in life seemed to be missing. No one could really tell because I had become a master of masking these kinds of things. It was a sort of self protection, but looking back on it, it was really that I was lying to myself. I was trying to convince myself that everything was great and exactly the way I wanted it to be… But that was far from the truth.

As people, we all do this. We think we should have things a certain way and then realize that the reason why we are doing something is not for the love of it or because it makes us happy but because we have the need to prove something to someone or to ourselves or to please someone… it doesn’t really matter the reason. What matters is that you have awareness about this and start to ask yourself some of these questions in order to make course corrections along the way.

I was glad that my mentor/friend asked me this question years ago. Since then this question has become a part of my weekly if not daily ritual in everything that I do. What I have come to realize is that your why is also your intention behind everything that you do. And if you know why you are doing something, it helps line up everything that you need to follow that dream or goal. If you don’t know your why or if you are lying to yourself about why you want something then you can easily see that unfolding in every area of your life.

So if your intention is set on becoming a better person, asking why will help keep the focus on where it needs to be in order to accomplish that goal. Often times we will set goals or aspirations because we believe when we achieve them it’ll feel like we’re on top of the world. But if you aren’t focused on the Why, it’ll be hard for you to enjoy that feeling or even feel it at all. Analyze your objectives and ask yourself who are you doing this for? What are you trying to prove?

We frequently feel as if we have to prove something to someone in order to feel good about ourselves. This is not the case whatsoever you owe nothing to nobody. The approval of others isn’t the measure of your life’s validation and you’re worth. You make up and create the importance of the things you like . When you feel the need to prove yourself, stop for a moment and ask yourself ” Why do I have this feeling of proving something ? “. That question has the power to shift our entire perspective on why we are doing what we are doing.

What are you trying to prove?

We seek approval from others because of fear. We’re afraid that if they don’t approve of us, we will be disliked. Approval is an agreement between people about their thoughts and opinions, they do not carry any value in this world unless we allow them to. Worrying about the things others feel and think about you is pointless and a perfect way to live a life full of stress and unhappiness, as well as limiting yourself from exploring new opportunities. Why would you use someone else’s opinion as a motivation for what you do? Why would you let other people make choices for you? Why would You seek others’ judgment on your actions?

It is important to mention that we do not need to please everyone. Not everyone is going to like and accept you and that’s okay because there will always be people who like and support you even if others don’t. Why would you try to seek approval from someone who doesn’t want it in the first place? There’s no reason to put yourself under all that pressure when you know that there are people out there who like and love all of you. You measure your life with happiness, not money not cars not things that impress your friends just things that make you happy.

Stop prioritizing opinions over your quality of life. Stop letting your happiness depend on what other people think about you. It is unhealthy and bad on not only your mind but your body as well. Losing sleep over what somebody said because it struck a nerve. Move on from those people they are not worth your time. Why would you want to be friends with someone who is going to make you feel bad about yourself anyways?

Do things that make YOU happy, and do it as often as possible. In the long-term, this will lead to a much happier life than impressing others ever could. Life isn’t infinite lie every day to the most that you possibly can. Set your own terms and live by your own morals and rules . I know sometimes it is easier said than done. It’s hard not to care what others think of us, but that’s just another reason to be proud of yourself for trying! The only approval you need is the one that comes from within. This is something that requires practice, but it’s not impossible. Focus on your day and remember that reflection and attention go together when studying your personality and your life.

Asking and answering this very question has helped many make course corrections along the way. Learning to get real and honest with ourselves is one of the foundations of a content, peaceful and rich life.

So I invite you to ask yourself today:

Why Do You Want The Things That You Want in Your Life?

Do you need to make course corrections but don’t know how?

If you would like information on working with me 1:1 to help you discover your why in your life click here to learn more.